This was just a 500 word free write that ended up being 767 words.
Confidence, where does it come from, how do we get it, what are some of the perils of not having it, how is it maintained? As you can see I’ve decided to write about confidence, one of those intrinsic things that we need to obtain and live the life we want; to some its very illusive to others its second nature, to me it just is.
First lets start with the definition of confidence, according to Websters Dictionary:
1 a : a feeling or consciousness of one’s powers or of reliance on one’s circumstances had perfect confidence in her ability to succeed met the risk with brash confidence b : faith or belief that one will act in a right, proper, or effective way have confidence in a leader
2 : the quality or state of being certain : certitude they had every confidence of success
3 a : a relation of trust or intimacy took his friend into his confidence b : reliance on another’s discretion Their story was told in strictest confidence. c : support especially in a legislative body vote of confidence
4 : a communication made in confidence : secret accused him of betraying a confidence
Now I’ll be writing this using the 2nd definition or the state of being confident, certain about everything in your existence. Its taking all the confidence I can personally muster up to even finish writing this. I have something to say and want to continue but I keep getting these small nudges that say, “go ahead do it later”, I keep going though. I wonder, is this why some people display confidence in what they’re doing and some just wait till later to do things they really want to do or don’t do them at all.
Anyway this confidence I’m speaking of is not easy to obtain you really have to convince yourself to move especially when you find it difficult, it’s like standing in cement with your stomach spinning like a clothes dryer. Once you’ve made up your mind though, you then have to train your body to act in a way that exudes confidence. I don’t mean conceit I mean confidence really believing in yourself and the fact that you can accomplish anything you set up to. A strong belief in your ability to stay open-minded and ready to be real honest with yourself about who you really are and how you handle life events. The confidence that gives you the strength to start something you’ve always wanted to without waiting for the illusive right time. The confidence that sets you apart from most because you know and believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is for you and your good. For me its an inner feeling of knowing and trusting what I want or am doing will result in the highest benefit for me and those I’m around me.
I feel my confidence stems from this sort of belief in myself. I was born with arms shorter than everyone else. From as early as I can remember I have had this confidence and determination because I didn’t want to be treated differently because my arms were a few inches shorter. My mother realizing how utterly cruel children can be attempted to shield me from such abuses but I was so determined to show that I could do whatever they did or even better, I did do some things better : although my arms were short they were and still are very strong. The fear that my mother had really hit when in 1st grade when it was time for gym, she didn’t want me to play and was afraid I would get hurt. Imagine a 6 yr old with a pigtail and hi-top converses with a sundress covered with a hoodie campaigning to the Principle and gym teacher to let me participate in gym. At home I harassed my mother until after a month of me proving to her on the playground that I could handle gym activities, she finally gave the ok.
As I think about that time I must say I did have an immovable confidence in the fact that I could participate like everyone else. This type of confidence derived from the fact that I was determined to be normal.
As I’ve gotten older I’ve lost and found my confidence again and again, this leads me to believe that confidence is something we have inherently and is backed up by courage and determination, that we have the power to use when necessary.